Superbowl LVI Live Blog Special

19:05

Right that was hard work that. But... We're live!

Most of what will be happening until the Superbowl kicks off will be cooking. I may put new recipes up and everything.

In time-honoured tradition I have not done any of the prep I needed to do for all the lovely US themed (well, vaguely) treats that are planned, so this will likely be a bit chaotic.

What do you mean, that comes as no surprise? The cheek.

20:51

So first order of the day is to get some chilli on the go, because later on chilli dogs will be the order of the day, and a quasi review segment to go with it.

Whilst that's cooking, some excellent ribs fresh from Tesco, and home-made coleslaw!

You can see where this evening is going.

21:03

Quick break for our first contribution of the evening from MJ who asks:

"Are you going to be able to out do Snoop Dog for the half time show?"

Janet Jackson hasn't as yet returned my calls, but I'm sure I can arrange some kind of entertainment.

Seems likely most people will be asleep by then though.

21:06

Also this from Tutu Baluba

"I am new to this Superbowl business but I am feeling exxciteable. Should I eat a hot dog and, if so, what should I squeeze on to it?"

Should you eat a hot dog? Well I would (and indeed will) but of course it's matter for your personal discretion. I'll be all over the subject of hot-dogs in due course, stay posted!

21:28

So a propos the whole hot-dog thing, I shall be topping it with this.

A lot of Texans say traditional chilli should not have kidney beans in it or any such nonsense.

Then again, a lot (not all, obviously) of Texans also say that women should not have abortions, that anyone should be able to purchase a military grade assault rifle with minimal background checks, and women originate from the ribcage of some random dude who popped up from nowhere.

So I'll take my chances.

21:44

More messages! Scarf says

"those ribs look so good! i want some"

They really were. But they're all gone now, so never mind.

And FINALLY on the topic of the evening Rev Stephen firmly on the side of the underdog.

"Come on you Bengals rip the Rams to pieces"

Optimistic shout. For what my opinion is worth, I think this is going to be tighter than the nun's proverbial.

22:16

Unfortunately this evening is already descending into chaos. It might be that, even with two of us, we're taking on too much.

The Superbowl kicks off in about an hour and a quarter, and much cuisine is yet to be prepared. Plus I haven't even corrected the typo on the homepage yet (I have now so don't even look).

But first, time for a little rest, and some... corn dogs! I don't know about you, but they look a little disappointing.

Always the way I guess.

22:29

Gus Barnacle has been in touch: "I'm not sure I understand American Football but GO SPORTS TEAM! I ALSO INCLUDE A RANDOM picture."

That's the spirit Gus! Anyone who says they undersand American Football is lying to you. It's a bit like if someone tells you they know how rugby scrums work.

I didn't get your picture though, and the form definitely works - hopefully you were recompensed with one of my excellent error messages

The corn dogs were surprisingly delicious by the way. I couldn't believe my lips.

22:39

I've been reliably informed that iphones use a weird image format so after a small investigation and a minor update that should work now.

Sorry about that iphone fans! You are all precious to me as well mwah.

22:50

OK this is actually the main meal of the evening - a spot of delicious southern fried chicken!

Girlfriend gets all the credit for this one - whilst she was doing all the work, I was largely wrestling with... erm... well let's call it technical issues.

That's what big companies call their obvious errors anyway.

23:24

Pre Superbowl entertainment here has consisted of watching a movie called Home Team.

I would give some kind of appraisal, but I was so busy either burning stuff or breaking websites it's hard to be objective.

Feelgood might be the word for it. I feel good.

Don't worry, it's nearly time, we can get down to business.

23:31

Billy Jean King with an inelegent coin toss, Rams to receive. Not sure how much info my audience needs. Not sure I have any audience.

Do I need to explain how this game works for anyone?

23:35

Now 'The Rock' is introducing the teams. Everyone in LA seemingly wants a piece of this action.

One thing America is really good at, is making the beginning of major sports events last FOREVER.

23:39

I alwasys felt sorry for Matt Stafford in Detroit, although a lot of poor seasons there normally involved him getting injured, before all their receivers left anyway.

But I think everybody did.

00:01

Of course a big talking point ahead of the Superbowl are the advertisements.

In the US, it's the biggest captive audience they will have all year, so companies make exclusive ads, and pay millions for airtime.

I've got US coverage on the go here, so if at any point I'm paying attention instead of writing this I'll maybe conduct some kind of review.

Although at first sight the avocado marketing board seem to have spunked their entire annual budget.

00:08

OK so maybe I should mention the game. it's 7-0 Rams thanks to Odell Beckham's hands and Matt Stafford's arm.

Despite this the Rams have been largely bottled up so far. The Bengals offence has done nothing though. You feel that needs to change soon if they're to have any chance here.

Meanwhile the latest ad is simply a bouncing multicoloured QR code for about 30 seconds.

I'm not sure what to make of that, but someone will be talking about it somewhere on the internet that's for sure.

Monday 14th February
00:27

Rams have scored again. Bengals really need to stay on top of this.

Meanwhile I've included the Superbowl drinking guide, which seem remarkably prescient so far.

Only really kicks off at half time though.

Monday 14th February
00:39

Game on!

Running back Joe Mixon throws the first pass of his career for a touchdown. He now has the best passing stats ever.

He looks pleased.

00:49

This is what pressure looks like. The Rams may be a team of superstars, but they're a team of superstars who for the most part have never won a Superbowl.

They have everything to lose, and the Bengals have nothing to lose. And it's showing.

Matt Stafford, a gambler at the best of times, throws a pick in the endzone trying to make something from nothing when discretion would have been the better part of valour.

13-10, Bengals have it, 2 minutes until the promised halftime extravaganza.

01:04

OK half time already, or as I call it, hot dog time.

I can't help but feel the LA location for this event has been chosen largely to ensure as impressive a line-up for the half time show as possible.

I'm going to be devoting some serious time to this.

01:13

Snoop and Dre performing some kind of a mash up in some kind of mocked up building.

Not going to lie never a fan of mashups but I'm thinking the format demands it. And let's be honest, these guys can carry it.

01:14

There is a cast of thousands, including ladies touching their own bosoms and twerking. I like it.

01:16

50 cent is responsible for the sudden influx of ladies.

He is quickly usurped by Mary J Blige. She has very sparkly boots.

They have put a lot of work into wardrobe here.

01:18

It's Dre o'clock.

...but it's actually not him, it's Kendrick Lamar.

No clue what's going on now to be honest.

01:22

OK Eminem is here now, rocking some 2010's fashion. Good to see the hood up.

Now Dre is playing the piano. OK then.

01:23

It's turning into a hip-hop version of the closing credits to Ferris Bueller's day off.

01:40

Spent 20 seconds adding a coleslaw recipe and it all KICKS OFF!!

Joe Burrow launces a bomb on the first play which goes all the way for a touchdown (I forget the player, too excited).

Then the very next play a Stafford pass is tipped for a second interception of the game.

As Chris Collingsworth would say... woooowwwwww!

01:45

Meanwhile I almost forgot about the Chilli Dogs!

As mid-game snacks go, this is awesome.

And I KNOW you're all in bed now. But you can read about it here first.

A field goal makes it 13-20 Bengals. This is on!

02:09

After 25 minutes spent faffing with the database and eating hot-dogs, not much has happened.

OK LA kicked a field goal, Stafford has a foot injury and Beckham is almost certainly not coming back on with what I strongly suspect to be an ACL. That's Odell not David. Although I'm pretty sure old Goldenballs is going to be there somewhere.

02:24

Now Joe Burrow is down clutching his right knee! He looks in pain. I do get the sense that neither quarterback will be leaving the field unless it's in an ambulance tonight though.

This is becoming a war of attrition. Not the shootout widely touted, but did anyone really think it was going to be?

02:32

Bengals reverting to the run game. They want this to be a short 4th quarter, especially with their signal caller on 1 leg.

02:46

With the Rams on the march inside the 10, there's a break for some kind of horse advert. Apparently it's a Budweiser thing.

Any Americans about who would care to explain? I'm mystified.

02:56

Cooper Cupp scores again, after a succession of suspect penalty calls down by the goal-line. The least surprising thing to happen all night really given how the post-season has played out so far.

The Bengals have 1 minute and 25 seconds with 2 timeouts to get at least a field-goal, which would in all likelihood send us to overtime.

This is the game right here folks.

02:57

Boom!

Burrow to Chase, suddenly they're at halfway. With the timeouts they can do what they like here.

03:01

4th and 1, and it's Aaron Doanld who makes the play to stop the Bengals drive and seal a Rams victory.

Whoever you wanted to win, you can't help but feel happy for him. Not many guys in the league deserve it more.

03:07

Between them Matthew Stafford and Aaron Donald have just used every single cliche in the book in their post-match interviews. I wonder if they were playing some kind of cliche bingo game.

No matter. It's past 3am, I do not want any more food, and my bed is whispering sweet nothings in my general direction.

I hope, if you read this far, it proved worth it - and if not, I'll try harder next time, promise!