Exotic Meat Review

Rowland Coping, 13/06/22

It's my birthday!

Well, it was 2 months ago, and I promised my brother I would review the box of exotic meat-stuffs that he sent me, in the name of both science and entertainment.

So I'm going to answer the big question burning a hole in everyone's brain (I'm sure):

Is it worth the extra outlay for exciting brands of unusual meat, or am I better off eating pigs?

Cutting edge stuff.

I rate each dish with a conservation status out of 6, based on how likely I am as a result of this enterprise to polish off the entire species.

LET THE REVIEWS BEGIN

Ostrich Sausages

These guys mean business

I'm not a huge fan of these creatures, which means I had little moral compunction when it came to frying up their murdered and minced corpses and sticking them in some pitta bread.

It's possible I didn't do them justice since all I did with them was stick them in leftover pitta bread with leftover salad and some handy chilli jam.

They tasted much like beef sausages used to - rather a dense texture by comparison with your pork porker but not unpleasant by any means.

Not sure I'd buy them again though.

Conservation Status: 3/6

Wild Boar Sausages

Winter is Coming.

One of my finest culinary experiences involved wild boar pasta and a nice bottle of red in a rustic Trattoria in Florence, so I was pleased to see the mashed up remains of one of these things in my box of goodies

I went for a classic wild boar cassoulet, a hearty enough dish that the gaminess of the meat was carried all the strong delicious flavours of the casserole.

It was delicious.

Wild boar is like a beefy pig, I guess. It an almost substitute for either. I recommend it.

Conservation Status: 5/6

Zebra Burger

A stripy horse, yesterday.

I think that of all the exotic meatstuffs I had been gifted, I was most dubious about the Zebra burgers.

I mean, these things are basically a stripy horse, right? We are extremely hung up on eating horses in this country, but apparently these things are sustainably farmed in South Africa. So that's OK then.

Although ethically sound, there are still few (well, zero) zebra burger recipes online, and having never tasted either horse or zebra and in the absence of inspiration I opted for the classic cheeseburger and chips option.

The burgers were substantial, and extremely dense. They smelled a little odd when cooking, and tasted somewhat (for want of a better word) gamey. I was not hungry afterwards, but that could have been for a number of reasons.

I think if I ate zebra more often I would probably acquire the taste and come up with way better recipes, but as I write this it seems unlikely this will ever happen.

Conservation Status: 3/6

Kangaroo Meatballs

What's that Skippy?
The delivery driver left my exotic meat in the well?

I was enthusiastic about the kangaroo because I had tried kangaroo steak before (with several of the vermin looking on, in fact) and I remember it being delicious, somewhat like a regular steak in fact.

And let's face it, these things are vermin. They're actually a pest in Australia - they're everywhere, tramping gardens and leaping in front of vehicles. So eating them is doing everyone a favour - no qualms there.

There were several meatball recipes online, all of which seemed to treat them just like normal meatballs. I was all for that. So I fried them up, cooked down some tomato sauce to go with them, chucked a bunch of basil in with it, then tossed it all up with spaghetti.

And all the above is why this culinary experience was a little disappointing. The meatballs were heavy and dense but with a soft texture at odds with this. They had a strong gamey flavour which although not unpleasant needed stronger flavours to go with it. Gravy maybe.

Kangaroo was not horrible, but it was not quite how I remember it either.

Conservation Status: 3/6

Rose Veal Steak

The cuter they are, the better they taste.

Rose veal seems like a controversial choice, because it comes with a bad reputation.

I think there is a common image from the early 90s of veal calves being transported in horrible conditions; I blame the French myself, of course I do (although it was us exporting them).

The truth (according to the internet) is that all veal sold now is RSPCA assured (whatever that means), and little different if not better in reality to eating a lamb or a chicken or whatever. Frankly, whatever meat you eat it's all equally ethical (or unethical, whatever). Thus reassured, I set about eating it.

I went for a recipe for a delicious Proscuitto wrapped treat - although it is impossible to acquire fresh sage around here when it's not Christmas for some reason.

I'm sure that Morrison's would cite lack of demand, but lets face it demand is bound to tail off if you don't stock the item in the first place. I mean really. They know where chickens come from don't they (hint - it's eggs.... or is it chickens??? Pffft.)

Anyway, even with the dried stuff this was delicious, and I highly recommend it if you have any spare veal steaks lying about. In fact we should all eat more veal, I said it.

Conservation Status: 6/6

Conclusions

So there we are, I ate a bunch of exotic meat, and it turns out the best ones are the ones most commonly eaten.

When you think about it, there is probably a reason some animals are farmed on an industrial scale and others are not. And the answer is bacon.

Mmmmmm, bacon.......