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If you have yet to Rowland's Random Review of his Useless Christmas Presents, click here to be magically transported. It explains everything.


Ah it was never going to be pretty. I asked for it. Firstly (and, uh - finally, thus far) my otherwise lovely brother responded with a rather vitriolic piece.

"I enjoyed the review and can't help but agree that the beans recipe book is a useless present..... I would, however, like to add that the beans recipe book was an act of revenge...... last year you gave me Jerry Springer the Opera, a dirty book that hasn't been opened, but to top it all off, a plastic lighsaber. A previous gift from you, bearing in mind that I'm not at all religious, was a china nativity scene. It looks lovely in the loft...."

Uncalled for I'm sure you'll agree. No-one appreciates the effort I go to. Nobody. Anyway.....

He went on to review the wonderful presents he received, a sample of which I include:

Cheeky Monkey II

W-w-w-what a lovely....erm...
other monkey, Nan...

The Cheeky Monkey MK II

Sent in from my brother

"I too love my Nan. But she also gave me a monkey. Granted, it's not as camp as my brother's monkey (excuse the expression), but it's a monkey all the same. It sits on a high shelf over a hard floor. I hope nothing happens to it."

Uselessness Rating: 6/7

Lovely Glasses

Aren't those lovely glasses?
What a great present

Really nice glasses that lots of thought went into

Sent in from my dear lovely brother

"My brother gifted me with two glass tumblers and two martini glasses. They are very pretty and very nice. They sit in a place of honour in a glass cabinet in my living room. Unfortunately, I doubt they will ever be used."

Uselessness Rating: 4/7

Shower Stuff

Smells fresh

Toiletries

Sent in from my brother

"I appreciate the gesture. I really do, but I have deodorant sprays and shower gel coming out of my ears (literally). Are they trying to tell me something? Next year, can I please have the cash?"

Uselessness Rating: 5/7